Contract Jokes

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?

Hearing AIDS

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How do blind people sign contracts?

On the dotted line.

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

What deadly disease can bowls contract?

Ebowla

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

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Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

How do you get a Baby in a bowl? How do you get it out?

How do you get a baby in a bowl? With a mixer. How do you get it out? "With nachos.

What do you give to an owl who is not being himself?

A Bowl (B-Owl)

Contraction Jokes More Contraction Jokes

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

scream) APPLE!!!

What is Dracula's favorite pudding?

Leeches and scream.

Appear Jokes More Appear Jokes

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary?

A: U.K.

Clap Jokes More Clap Jokes

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?

Santapplause !

Why can't the T-rex clap its hands?

Because it's dead.

Charlie Sheen Jokes More Charlie Sheen Jokes

What do you call Charlie Sheen's brother if he were a financial advisor?

Emilio Investevez. Fun game/running joke friends in college used to play. Wondering if Reddit would enjoy the game too.

What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid

Disease Jokes More Disease Jokes

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What's the only disease a potato can get?

tuber-culosis

Blind People Jokes More Blind People Jokes

Why do the French stink?

So blind people can hate them too

What do you call scriptures for blind people?

The holy braille