Contract Jokes

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?

Hearing AIDS

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How do blind people sign contracts?

On the dotted line.

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

What deadly disease can bowls contract?

Ebowla

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

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What does a lightbulb and a pregnant woman have in common?

Its easy to break the little light inside them.

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do you call an Italian guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What do you call a rough Italian neighborhood?

A Spaghetto

Sle Jokes More Sle Jokes

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V?

Because Dey-go-bah.

How would you describe that green sheep?

Me: I don't know. Olive ewe Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101

Contraction Jokes More Contraction Jokes

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

Reindeer Jokes More Reindeer Jokes

What do call someone who takes care of reindeer and really enjoys it?

A Jolly Rancher.

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

Clap Jokes More Clap Jokes

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?

Santapplause !

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's cold and scary?

I-scream!

What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.