Mississippi Jokes

What's the best part of living in Alabama?

You don't live in Mississippi.

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How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?

Because anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush

What do you call a hippie's wife?

Mississippi

What do call a cup when drank from by a married woman?

A Mississippi cup.

What has 4 eyes and cannot see?

Mississippi.

Why is the Mississippi so wide?

Because Mr. Sippi is hung like a horse.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?

Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!

What do they call a bunch of Mississippi football players standing in a circle holding hands?

A dope ring.

How do you spell Mississippi?

Redneck: Which one The river or the state

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What is the worst way to spell Mississippi?

Correctly.

How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'?

1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... Iwillseemyselfout

What did the Mississippi girl say when she lost her virginity?

Get off me Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes.

What do you get if you flip a Mississippi family's photo album backwards?

An episode of The Biggest Loser

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What's the best part about dating a homeless women?

You can drop her off anywhere.

What's the best part about being a meth addict?

3 sleeps 'til Christmas

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How do '90s kids count to 6?

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

How do you count a herd of cattle?

How do you count a herd of cattle? Q: How do you count a herd of cattle? A: With a cowculator.

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How many married women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Yeah right, like married women ever screw anything other than poolboys.....

What do call a cup when drank from by a married woman?

A Mississippi cup.

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What did Charlie Bucket say when Willie Wonka peed on him?

I've got a golden tinkle in my eye...

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's something that's true, real and lives in the dirty south?

A Trillbilly!

What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?

Patti O'Furniture

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

Why is everyone in the Soviet Union always in a hurry?

Why is everyone in the Soviet Union is always in a hurry? They're all Russian.

What does a Russian woman say to stop her husband from abusing her?

Vladislov, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... I'm sorry..

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

What's faster than a black guy running down the street with your T.V?

His brother holding the VCR.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

How many SJW's does it take to fix a lightbulb?

100. 100 who complain about the lightbulb oppressing them, and 1 man to actually do it.

How is credit like cocaine?

Everyone just needs 1 more line.