Pumpkin Jokes

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

Awaken, my pump- "

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

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Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

Why isnt suntanning an Olympic sport?

Because the best you can get is bronze.

How did the Australian make the Olympics?

He koala-fied!!!!! Buh-duh-tss

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

Why does jesus not play video games?

Everytime he dies he has to wait 3 days to respawn

Tumblr Jokes More Tumblr Jokes

What is Tumblr's least favourite show?

NCIS

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

Bob Jokes More Bob Jokes

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean?

What do you call a Syrian refugee on the Mediterranean? Bob What does a Syrian refugee call their pet? Dinner What's grosser than gross? Two Syrian refugees fighting over a tampon.

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

Why were mexicans celebrating at a stop sign?

They saw it as a sign to pare.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What happened to the minter who went crazy?

He stopped making cents.

How are babies different from feminists ?

Babies grow up and stop crying

Starbuck Jokes More Starbuck Jokes

What did the hipster say when a starbucks opened in his neighborhood?

You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!"

What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?

Half calf

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.