Pumpkin Jokes

What did the pumpkin say after waking up his family?

Awaken, my pump- "

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Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

How is Halloween celebrated in Kentucky?

pumpkin

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday?

Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out...

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Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

What do Mountain folk do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

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Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Why does your face look like a donut?

me 30 minutes into dieting

Who are you talking to in there?

M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody

Celebrate Jokes More Celebrate Jokes

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

How do mice celebrate when they move home ?

With a mouse warming party !

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Jack O Lantern Jokes More Jack O Lantern Jokes

Why is stupid monster like a jack-o'-lantern?

They both have empty heads.

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

B Jokes More B Jokes

What's the difference between Bad Jokes and Dad Jokes?

One starts with B and the otber starts with D

How is your day going?

G- Pretty well, Do you want me to walk you back? B- walk me back? G- to the friendzone you just tried to escape.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

How do you tell if somebody doesn't have a smartphone?

Just wait, they'll tell you.

Tumblr Jokes More Tumblr Jokes

Why do girls who use Tumblr work so many odd jobs?

Because they literally can't even.

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.