Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why is it impossible to play UNO with Mexicans?

Because they keep stealing all the green cards.

What do you call a duck that likes to steal?

A Robber Ducky!

Elbow Jokes More Elbow Jokes

Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye?

Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

Why did I go with the cheap arms?

Narrator: "Elbows"

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a good farmer?

He's outstanding in his field

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7?

I still love vista, baby

Te Jokes More Te Jokes

What's the difference between beekeeping and falconry?

Falconers have to be more talon-ted

What did the asian parents call their retarded son?

Sum ting wong

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

I'm not coming into work today

What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them?

A photographer.

Ted Kennedy Jokes More Ted Kennedy Jokes

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Japanese Jokes More Japanese Jokes

What do Japanese people do during an erection?

They go to the polls and vote.

Why are Japanese people all skinny?

Because of their national diet.

Deaf Jokes More Deaf Jokes

Why do farts stink?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

Why do farts smell so bad?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.