Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?"

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

When did Caesar reign ?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

Who's there ! Caesar ! Caesar who ?

Caesar quickly before she gets away !

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks "

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

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How many SJW's does it take to fix a lightbulb?

100. 100 who complain about the lightbulb oppressing them, and 1 man to actually do it.

How long does it take a tweaker to go shopping?

An hour 5 minutes for the Ramen noodles and foil. 55 minutes to fix the squeaky shopping cart wheel.

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Why did the cannibal stab the chef with a toothpick?

To see if he was done cooking.

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

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What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

A Chicken Caesar salad

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

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What kind of pizza does Lil Wayne like?

Little seizures.

What's Lil Wayne's Favorite French Movie?

AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE

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Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth?

Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound.

What's worse than finding half a worm in an apple?

Finding a vein in a hot dog.

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What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

What is a joke that only makes sense in your own regional dialect/accent?

Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."

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What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with?

Little Caesar's

What do you call a hispanic gas?

Cabron Dioxide!

Khan Jokes More Khan Jokes

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

How did Djengis Khan found Mongolia?

One steppe at a time.