Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

What do you call a james bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

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What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

Huge Mess Jokes More Huge Mess Jokes

How'd family dinner go?

ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"

Absolute Jokes More Absolute Jokes

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What can a monster do that you can't do?

Count up to 25 on his fingers.

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

Rate Jokes More Rate Jokes

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

rated movies

Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

Because it was rated "PG"

Chronic Math Debater Jokes More Chronic Math Debater Jokes

Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?

He was a chronic math-debater

What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Disagree Jokes More Disagree Jokes

How many Zionists does it take to change a light bulb?

OC Just one. And if you disagree with me, you're an anti-Semite.

Why did Bob disagree with communism?

He thought it was such Bolshevik.