Lumberjack Jokes

What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

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What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

He gets stumped.

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

Why was the lumberjack executed?

He committed treeson.

What did the lumberjack say to the trees?

Run, Forest, run!

What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink?

A lager

What do you call a theft by a stumbling person?

A lumberjack.

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

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What was the name of the lumberjack in Al-Quaida?

Osama-Been-Loggin'

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why? Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.

What time do Lumberjacks take their tea-break?

TREE O'clock!

Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games?

Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.

How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?

By moving faux wood. Rimshot

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I'm falling for you

Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle?

He was stumped.

What did the lumberjack see?

He saw a tree.

What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?

They're both tree fellers.

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

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What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

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Treeson.

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Where would you find more Leifs than in a forest?

Valhalla.

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The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

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What is a dentist's favorite time of the day?

2:30

What did the Wealth of Nations say to the Communist Manifesto to cheer it up?

Some day you will be red!

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What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster?

He hibernated in the summer.

What is the political correct term for hipster?

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What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree?

You wave!