Lumberjack Jokes

What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

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What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?

He gets stumped.

What did the lumberjack say when his colleague went home sick?

Hope you fell better tomorrow.

Why was the lumberjack executed?

He committed treeson.

What did the lumberjack say to the trees?

Run, Forest, run!

What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink?

A lager

What do you call a theft by a stumbling person?

A lumberjack.

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

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What was the name of the lumberjack in Al-Quaida?

Osama-Been-Loggin'

Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?

Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why? Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.

What time do Lumberjacks take their tea-break?

TREE O'clock!

Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games?

Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out.

How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out?

By moving faux wood. Rimshot

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I'm falling for you

Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle?

He was stumped.

What did the lumberjack see?

He saw a tree.

What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common?

They're both tree fellers.

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

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A sanitary owl

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Climb a tree and act like a nut.

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Underlay! Underlay!

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Hope you fell better tomorrow.

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What do you call the object Attila the Hun uses to brush his leg hair?

A Hun knee comb.

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So they can prevent breakouts.

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Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

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What did you learn in school today?

Not enough I have to go back tomorrow!

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

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What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?

Cold and calculating.

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Which composer do lumberjacks prefer to listen to?

Chopin

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

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What do you call an avocado cut up into 6.022*1023 times?

Guacamole

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)