Holiday Jokes

Why isn't the holiday on December 25th pronounced "Chlistmas"?

Because there's no L.

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Where do weeaboos holiday?

Kawaii

Where do strippers go on holiday ?

Poland

Where do idiots go on holiday?

Twitzerland.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

What do heavily-armored army vehicles celebrate for the holidays?

tanksgiving

Why can't rappers take holidays?

They always forget Tupac.

What is a rednecks favorite pie during the holidays?

Pump-Kin

What is the most said band name during the holidays?

What do Native Americans do for the holidays?

Nativities.

Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays?

he was snowden

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Where did the salami go on holiday?

Costa Deli-Sol

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?

Because he had a wee cough

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Where do ants go for their holidays ?

Frants !

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?

A merry dairy!

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

Where do bees go on holiday ?

Stingapore !

Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday?

Koala Lumpur.

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

What does a llama do when it goes on holidays?

Alpaca ya bags.

Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?

KFC isnt open on holidays.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?

Cruising on a clipper.

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Stripper Jokes More Stripper Jokes

What is it called when one punches a stripper?

A hoedown!

What's the first part of a stripper to blow?

The knee. It's a load-bearing joint.

Greet Jokes More Greet Jokes

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

How do two lawyers greet each other?

With a firm handshake.

L. Jokes More L. Jokes

What's a hippies favorite animal?

An elk. He's got the E. the L. and the K.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC (thank you very much)

What is a black mans favorite Halloween costume?

Robbin Hood

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

How do you fire a Chinese cook?

Ask him to take wok.

What do you call two chinese guys in a firebird?

Gooks of Hazard

Naughty Girl Jokes More Naughty Girl Jokes

Why is Santa Clause always so Jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?

He knows where all the naughty girls live #*( )*

Friday Jokes More Friday Jokes

What's the worst thing about Fridays?

Realizing it's only Tuesday.

Why is Friday the best day of the week?

Its the 5/7 day of the week

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.