Holiday Jokes

Why isn't the holiday on December 25th pronounced "Chlistmas"?

Because there's no L.

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Where do weeaboos holiday?

Kawaii

Where do strippers go on holiday ?

Poland

Where do idiots go on holiday?

Twitzerland.

What are your favorite jokes for the Holidays?

For those of us that struggle with our family perhaps this will help break the ice.

What do heavily-armored army vehicles celebrate for the holidays?

tanksgiving

Why can't rappers take holidays?

They always forget Tupac.

What is a rednecks favorite pie during the holidays?

Pump-Kin

What is the most said band name during the holidays?

What do Native Americans do for the holidays?

Nativities.

Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays?

he was snowden

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Where did the salami go on holiday?

Costa Deli-Sol

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

Why did the man with acute bronchitis go on holiday?

Because he had a wee cough

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Where do ants go for their holidays ?

Frants !

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?

A merry dairy!

What does a racist decorate in their home for the holidays?

Their bigotry.

Where do bees go on holiday ?

Stingapore !

Where do Koalas love to go for a holiday?

Koala Lumpur.

What did George Washington Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

They were all born on holidays."

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

What does a llama do when it goes on holidays?

Alpaca ya bags.

Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?

KFC isnt open on holidays.

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?

Cruising on a clipper.

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Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why didn't the homophobe decorate his house for Halloween?

Because his skeleton was in the closet

What do Hutterites do on Halloween?

Pump-kin

Naughty Girl Jokes More Naughty Girl Jokes

Why is Santa always jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why is Santa so jolly?

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Happy Holidays Fun!

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk?

Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave

Poland Jokes More Poland Jokes

Why does Poland stay from Germany?

a couple decades ago they had a three way with Russia that ended poorly

What happens when a soviet and a german have a child?

I don't know but he can conquer poland really fast.

Rick Grimes ' Jokes More Rick Grimes ' Jokes

Whats Rick Grimes' favorite position?

Michonne-ary

Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center?

Too many walkers.

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

How do you know the Alphabet is celebrating Christmas?

When there is no "L" ("Noel")

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

How do you pay a bartender?

With bar tender.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What goes HO HO HO thud?

Santa laughing his head off. What goes HO HO HO A Pimp taking inventory.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa knows to stop after three Ho's.