Morning Jokes

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!"

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What do cats read in the morning ?

Mewspapers !

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

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Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why didn't the boxer cross the road?

He didn't want to be part of a bad punch line.

Why can't spooky skeletons cross the road?

No guts.

Afternoon Jokes More Afternoon Jokes

How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?

Cross traffic doesn't stop.

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached?

Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs Or crapperjoels

What did the lumberjack see?

He saw a tree.

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg?

The ova achiever

Apple Jack Jokes More Apple Jack Jokes

What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning?

Not Apple Jacks

Whats an ex-iphone user's favorite cereal?

Apple Jacks

Daughter Jokes More Daughter Jokes

What did the cheeseburger name her daughter?

Patty.

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

What did the penny say to the other penny?

Let's get together and make some cents.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

Which company saw the end of disco coming from a mile away?

Discover.