Morning Jokes

What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market?

Good morning, ladies!"

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What do cats read in the morning ?

Mewspapers !

When did she die?

My guess would be sometime this morning.

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning?

I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

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Wrong Sock Jokes More Wrong Sock Jokes

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

Why'd the seaman cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong sock that day.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do you call a fish with diarrhea?

A Pooper Grouper!!!!!

What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?

A-fish-in-sea.

Cannibal Jokes More Cannibal Jokes

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

Flush

What did the cannibal say to his co-worker?

You should stop by later. The missus and I are having people for dinner.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

What do a racist and an apple have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree

Drown Jokes More Drown Jokes

What did the cannibal do to the people he didn't like?

He drowned them in the morning.

What happened to the native man that drank 23 cups of tea?

He went home and drowned in his tea pee.

Sociologist Jokes More Sociologist Jokes

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?

Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.

Tim Cook Jokes More Tim Cook Jokes

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack

What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning?

Not Apple Jacks

Egg Jokes More Egg Jokes

Why should you never order the eggs while in France?

Because they are always uf.

What do eggs do for fun?

They crack jokes.