Turnip Jokes

What did the vegetable say to the dj?

lettuce turnip the beet

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What did the vegatable say to the fruit?

Turnip

What vegetable parties the hardest?

A Turnip.

How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets!

What do root vegetables do at tha club?

Turnip

What did the collard green do when his favorite song came on the radio?

He got turnip

What did the farmer say to Lil Jon?

Turnip for what

What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ?

They 'turnip' their noses.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

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What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

What did one turnip say to the other?

We're white and bulbous, just like America

What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?

They Turnip

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What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

What is the only inedible part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair

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How do you know when... ... a blonde has been using the computer?

There's white-out on the screen. How do you know when a brunette used the computer after a blonde There's writing on the white-out.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

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What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?

You take me for grunted.

How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

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What soft drink do pigs like best?

Root beer.

What was Bernie Sander's favorite topic in mathematics?

Radicals. He loved finding the "root" of problems...

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What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?

A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

How do you know when a black chick is pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon and all of the cotton is missing..

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Why did the T-Rex's girlfriend leave him?

Because he said he only loved her this much (hold out t-rex like arms) Sorry this one requires a bit of a visual, but I thought you guys might like it

What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?

a PDFile

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What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

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What's the difference between a meeting and a funeral?

A funeral is a meeting where you're dead outside as well as in.

What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!