Quack Jokes

What is sticky and quacks?

Duck tape!

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Why do ducks make the best detectives?

They always quack the case

When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

What has four legs and quacks?

A paradox

What happens when ducks fly upside down??

They quack up

Why did the man throw duck food at Nurse Jackie?

Because she was a quack.

What do ducks get hooked on?

Quack

Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

Cause they would quack up.

Why are ducks funny?

Cause they be quacking jokes

What's so lame about a duck President?

Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?

Because he kept quacking all the eggs!

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What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?

Ducks like a quack.

What is a detective duck supposed to do?

Quack the case! I'll show myself out.

What did did the mother duck say to her duckling?

A: "If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one."

Why were the ducks arrested?

They were selling quack in the park.

Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ?

Must have been a duck family A duck family Didn't you say there was a quack in it !

What are you on?

I said to him. "Quack" said the duck.

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?

A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.

What're you here for?

asks the desk lady. "I'm addicted to quack."

Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

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What does a duck like to have for breakfast?

Quacker Oats

How do you get down?

A: Pluck a duck.

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What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

What did the premature ejaculatist say to his offended lover?

Sorry... That came out wrong.

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What do you call a person who has lost all hope?

A: Linus

Why did the banker leave his job?

he lost interest

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Why do ducks make the best detectives?

They always quack the case

Who's the best detective in Mexico?

Sherlock-Holmes

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Whats a ducks favourite drug?

Quack cocaine

What is a ducks favourite drug?

quack

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How did Henry VIIIs wife enter the room?

Amble in (Anne Boyeyn) I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)

Why do people think Henry the Sixth was a Norseman?

Because he was a VI KING.

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What's the worst kind of joke?

Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.

Where do black person go to travel cross-country?

The Newport (My first joke, sorry if bad 8)

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What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

What did the turkey say to the motorist?

Buckle Buckle