Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Coffee Mug
Davey.... are we pouring concrete today "
Elementary, my dear Watson.
Scratching at the inside of his coffin.
BART: I don't know where my hair starts
A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this.
Cos I'm quitting today."
Current.
Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.
Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes
Couple's Daily Question Mug
Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!
Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."
because Ken always came in another box.
Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)
Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.
One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold.
Circus peanuts and black licorice are my favorite candies just so I never have to share.
Because they're shellfish.
Keep it waiting.
Just one. He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.
The games take 3 months to play!
A student used to give his teacher some raisins everyday. He kept giving them for 3 months straight. Then one day he did not give raisins to his teacher. And his teacher asked him "Where are the raisins today?", and the boy said "My rabbit died."
Because there's no karma involved.
No, wait.
No home oh
GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for "attempted plagiarism"
They shot the whole school.
