Addict Jokes

Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

They don't like getting sand in their crack.

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What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Which country has a drug-addicted king?

Hyrule.

What's the most popular religion for addicts?

the Crystal Methodists

What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?

A rockin' roller.

Why should you tell bad jokes to cocaine addicts?

Because they'll crack up anyways

Who is the favorite author of someone addicted to ecstasy?

Steven King. JK Rowling.

What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed?

Only one more sleep until Christmas!

Why was drug addicted Moses upset when he was floating down a river?

because he was in Da-Nile

Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab?

Because he was addicted to Coke.

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What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What did the power ranger-turned-addict say?

It's morphine time!

What do you call a drug-addicted vampire?

Crackula

What do you call a drug-addicted canine?

A meth lab!

How are dogs and addicts similar?

They both have PAWS

What do you call a drug-addicted duck?

A quackhead.

Why do people get addicted to meth?

Because they didn't think of the aftermeth.

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

What did the drug test say to the addict?

URINE TROUBLE!"

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?

A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.

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Liner Jokes More Liner Jokes

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Cause he can't do stand-up.

What's funnier than a one liner?

A two liner.

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

What ya call a lesbian with large fingers?

Well hung!

How the hell can ya be so stupid?

Jessie: Well it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.

Worker Jokes More Worker Jokes

What does the customer say to the worker as he leaves the store after buying a discounted item?

Good buy.

What did the baker say about her co-worker who never sleeps and always smells funky?

At yeast he's a fungi.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

How many koalas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, given that he's koali-fied for the job.

Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

Why did the kids tell jokes to the mirror?

They wanted to see it crack up!

How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

Why did the firefly keep stealing things ?

What goes "snap crackle and pop" A firefly with a short circuit !

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Where did the joke wait to get a drink?

The punch line...

What drink can I get you?

Just ice for Harambe"