Emergency Jokes

What does an helicopter and pants have in common?

They both moust go down in emergency.

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What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Whats ur emergency?

OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

Why is mustard good to have in case of an emergency?

It's always prepared.

What is your emergency?

Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

Whats the emergency?

My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking

What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?

When the chips are down!

What do chefs do when they are cooking in an emergency?

They take drastic measures.

Which positions does a violist use?

A: First third and emergency.

What's the emergency?

How long before the rice is ready "

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Why are women and children evacuated first in an emergency?

So the men can think of a solution in silence.

Why do women and children evacuate first in an emergency?

So the men can go on Reddit and repost this joke.

What's your emergency, sir?

Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*

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Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

What is the best way to hunt bear?

With your clothes off

What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

Aw shucks!

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window?

He read that it was an invisible solid.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did the blonde wear green lipstick?

Because red means stop D

What do you do when you see a black man lying on the floor?

You stop laughing and shoot him again.

Ma'am Jokes More Ma'am Jokes

What is science?

Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science Student: science is our Lesson for today.

How much for the Ice Cream Scoop?

Ma'am, that's a Shovel.

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

What's your favorite kind of music?

Asked one windmill to another. The windmill responds, "I'm a metal fan."

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What would you're opening line be?

Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!

Who's there ! Czech ! Czech who ?

Czech before you open the door !

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Who is your favorite X-Man?

Mine is Bruce Jenner

Why the big pause................................?

Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why can't cars fly kites?

Because of the windshield.

What did the blond girl say when she saw the car?

Answer: That's the lost one right there.