Marijuana Jokes

What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?

If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana?

High Street, of course.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?

Double jointed.

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's more illegal than marijuana?

My Mexican neighbor

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call a marijuana induced tragedy?

Blunt Trauma

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife?

Stoner!

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

moo-dicinal

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

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What Does A Redneck Call It When He Visits His Cousin Outside His Town?

Entering the friend zone.

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

Stock Market Jokes More Stock Market Jokes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

Where is the best place to buy chicken broth?

at the stock market

Field Jokes More Field Jokes

What did the field say to the farmer?

Plow Me!

Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.

Cattle Jokes More Cattle Jokes

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

Rancher Jokes More Rancher Jokes

Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?

Because the rancher was a cattlist.

Why did the rancher get out of the hemp-fed beef market?

The steaks were too high.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do a tornado and a divorce in the South have in common?

Someone is losing their trailer..

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

Divorced.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

Why does Cuba not have any casinos?

They Havana no money to spend.

What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online?

Kraut funding

Induce Jokes More Induce Jokes

Why did Bill Cosby make his own Jell-O?

Because his girlfriend was in a Roofie induced coma.

What will they now call hormonally-induced knockers on men?

broosts