What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What does Santa do to dragons?

He "sleighs" them.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you turn a cashew in to the police?

You bust a nut

What's the worst thing when being told you have Alzheimer's?

It doesn't just happen the once.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why don't Barbie and Ken have kids?

Ken came in a different box.

Who's there ! Anderson ! Anderson who ?

Anderson and daughter came too !

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Why did the feminist get triggered?

The police found it easier than arresting her.

What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car?

The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car Uber!

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you get a goth down from a tree?

Cut the rope

What did the college junior say just before her toe was cut off?

NO PLEASE DON'T CUT OFF MY TOE!

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A: A dependent Claus.

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

What is the Kingsman policy on workplace relationships?

OC) Brogues before Hos

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus. I'll see myself out.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear"

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges

What was he charged with?

Indie-cent exposure.

Decline Jokes More Decline Jokes

Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

Why did the biker decline an invitation to the rally?

He was just two tired.

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.