What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What do you want for Christmas?

Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend

What do Pimps and Santa have in common?

They stay with 3 ho's

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?

Head Russian...

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What's White &amp Gooey and Rains Down From the Sky?

The coming of the Lord.

When are the hiest's coming out?

THEY ARE NOT!

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

Why do the police hate teenage fireflies?

They never stop lighting up.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How was Rome cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

What's long, black, and dangerous to cut?

The line at KFC.

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

How do you know this is OC?

Its not on the front page

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges

How many electrons does a negatively charged oxygen atom have?

Nion

Decline Jokes More Decline Jokes

What did the surgeon say when the doctor declined going out after work?

Suture self!

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.