Alabama Jokes

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

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Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Alabama?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

What do you call an Alabama woman who can run faster than her brother?

virgin

What's the best part of living in Alabama?

You don't live in Mississippi.

What does someone from Alabama say after a one night stand?

Wham, bam, thank you fam"

How does an Alabama girl know shes in for a crazy night?

Her daddy says he wants her in bed by ten.

Why is Alabama the smartest state?

Because it has four A's and one B.

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

Why is an Alabama divorce like a tornado?

One way or the other someone is losing a trailer.

What Do You Call A Winery In Alabama?

Vineyard Skynyrd

How does Alabama keep alcohol out of high school?

Change the drinking age to 25

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What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?

Drool

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?

One Mississippi.

What did the pilot say to the co-pilot right before the UPS plane crash in Alabama?

Too soon.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?

Everyone has the same DNA.

What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common?

They were both fingered by their brother.

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?

Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.

How do you know if someone is an Alabama fan?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?

He refused to integrate.

Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors?

So they can park in handicap spots.

What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama?

Squirming-ham

How do Alabama parents teach their kids to put on their underwear?

Yellow in the front, brown in the back.

What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student?

I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"

What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments(http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825 irpc=932)

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

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What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

What do you call a Korean girl, who lost her virginity at a young age?

Sum-Young Ho

State Jokes More State Jokes

Where were you born?

Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

What did the man say to his big breasted ex-wife?

Thanks for the mammaries.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff

How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

25 Jokes More 25 Jokes

Why do computer scientists get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.

What's a sheep's favorite type of alcohol?

Mutton-schnapps.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

Want to hear a chimney joke?

Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

Fam Jokes More Fam Jokes

What do eggs say when they're turnt?

Omelette, fam

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None because it's already lit fam