Blame Jokes

What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

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Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

What did the feminist baker blame for all of her life's problems?

The Pastryarchy.

How many MRAs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just blame feminism for the darkness.

Whats George Zimmerman's favorite song?

Blame it on the night

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

What did one earthquake say to the other?

I don't know what your blaming me for, it's your fault!"

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

Why do you think people hate us so much?

Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer?

Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur" I guess it is #rightprivilege

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Who knows... Maybe Japan hacked Sony?

Yeah... Lets blame Sony.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.

How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

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Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff?

Straight jack it.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What rhymes and let's you instantly know a redditor is a moron?

Purple circle.

What's the best part about Switzerland?

I don't know, but their flag's a plus.

Forgive Jokes More Forgive Jokes

What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's the difference between spit and swallow?

A firm grip on the back of her head.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

Fine Jokes More Fine Jokes

What happens if a pig parks illegally?

A: It oink-urs a fine.

What did Marshawn Lynch say when he went to traffic school?

I'm just here so I won't get fined.

Sean Connery Jokes More Sean Connery Jokes

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

What does Sean Connery's nemesis and the crater of a volcano have in common?

They're both ash-holes.

Feminism Jokes More Feminism Jokes

How did Feminism start?

With an unlocked kitchen door

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

Fault Jokes More Fault Jokes

Whose fault is it?

His fault. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

What does one tectonics plate say to another after an earthquake?

It's not your fault.