Blame Jokes

What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

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Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

What did the feminist baker blame for all of her life's problems?

The Pastryarchy.

How many MRAs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They just blame feminism for the darkness.

Whats George Zimmerman's favorite song?

Blame it on the night

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

What did one earthquake say to the other?

I don't know what your blaming me for, it's your fault!"

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

Why do you think people hate us so much?

Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer?

Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur" I guess it is #rightprivilege

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Who knows... Maybe Japan hacked Sony?

Yeah... Lets blame Sony.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.

How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

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Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

How can you tell if the kid that stole your bike is half black and half polish?

He's running down the street with the bike under his arm.

What did Katy Perry steal from Dr. Frankenstein's closet?

The Tie of the Igor.

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?

The Cat in the AT-AT

What is the oldest joke in the book?

The first one written

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head?

Down for the count!

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?

Democracy

What does a Muslim have if they hate their god?

An Allahgy

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What STD is found most commonly among lesbians?

Carpet burn

Why did the moron think his girlfriend was into metal?

He found steel wool pads in her bathroom.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What do you get when you cross Groot with Santa?

A Giving Christmas Tree

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is America bad at the game Chess?

Because they don't know how to defend their towers.

How do you know Satan's barbeque ribs are good?

Cos they're trident tested. #noapologies

Forgive Jokes More Forgive Jokes

What did the deer first say when he got to church?

Deer God, please forgive me of my sins.

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite. ...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.