Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

What Austrian girls and wine have in common?

Both mature in a cellar.

What's it called when you make sure you don't spill the wine?

Being carafe-ful.

Fast Jokes More Fast Jokes

What do they call a virgin down in the south?

Faster than her brother!

Why did the very religious man not say a word while he was fasting?

He was afraid that he would swallow his words.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why did the ram run off the cliff?

He didn't see the ewe turn.

Why did Sweden change their immigration politics?

Because their Zoos ran out of room.

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

How do you sink a polish ship?

you put it in the water

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What's the deal with lampshades?

If your gonna turn on a light... Why shade it.

How many tropical Birds Does it take to Screw in a Lightbulb?

Well, turns out one is not enough, but if you pair it, two can.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What do a silver medalist and a child molester have in common?

They both came in a little behind

What does the baker turned counterfeiter say?

I make my own dough". My sister Katie came up with this one.

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking french vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink french vodka.

Russia Jokes More Russia Jokes

Why can't you have military coup in Russia?

Because in Russia the military coups you.

Who's the top selling author in Russia?

Salman Rush B