Vodka Jokes

How do Russian sprinters train?

They put a bottle of vodka 100 meters away from them.

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

What's the Russian word for water?

Vodka

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink?

Grey Moose

What is the difference between homeless and vodka?

Vodka does not freeze

What do you call an Arnold Palmer with vodka?

A John Daly

What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast?

Stop "Russian"

What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine?

I turned MY student loans into vodka...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

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What do they call a virgin down in the south?

Faster than her brother!

What did the ascetic say when he broke his fast?

OC I think I'll go on a diet!

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Why cant train drivers be sentenced to the electric chair?

Because they're bad conductors.

Where does Joseph Kony train his soldiers?

Arizona

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What is Jesus' favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails

What would you call Jesus if he was born in Mexico?

The Chosen Juan.

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What do you call a disappearing President?

Hocus POTUS

How do you make one girl disappear?

just add a G and now she's gone.

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Why do bad things happen to good people?

To even out the good things that happen to bad people.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

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What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

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Where can you find an ocean without any water?

A: On a map!

Why do watermelons have water in Them?

Because they are planted in the spring!

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What do you call a hip-hop trio with boosted Attack but hindered Special Attack?

Naughty by Nature

Why is the universe feminine in nature?

Because it's made up of galaxies.