Million Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.

How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night?

Take away their beds...

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

What's a holocaust?

And I reply "Oh, about eleven million"

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

How many zeros in one million?

Six" "Ok, thanks" *writes milli000000n*

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

How many reps would you usually do?

he asked. "A million," I rep lied.

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program

the rest of them will write Perl

You might also enjoy:

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the terrorist cross the road?

To send people to the other side.

Where do Pandas live?

On the road to Extinction.

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves?

Russel.

Pterodactyls Jokes More Pterodactyls Jokes

Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom?

Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

Why do pterodactyls use the bathroom so quietly?

Because their p is quiet.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What is Rickon Stark's favorite band?

One Direction

Where Your Children Are?

Even worse, the next song is called, "Can You Give Me Directions "

Adele Jokes More Adele Jokes

What did Adele say when the chicken crossed the road?

Hello from the other side...

What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs?

Adele

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

Whats the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did Micheal Jackson go to JC Penny?

He heard little boys pants were 50% off...

What do you hear when Bill Cosby walks into the room?

Zzzzip)

Racist Joke Jokes More Racist Joke Jokes

Why are so many racist jokes about black people?

Because black people can't read. Duh. I'll show myself out.

How do all racist jokes start?

Looks over left shoulder* *Looks over right shoulder*