Million Jokes

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

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Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.

How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?

Walk in with $2 Million.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

How do you stop millions of children from going to bed hungry every night?

Take away their beds...

What has a million legs but can't walk?

Jerry's Kids.

What's a holocaust?

And I reply "Oh, about eleven million"

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

How many zeros in one million?

Six" "Ok, thanks" *writes milli000000n*

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

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What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What has a million and one legs but still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

How many reps would you usually do?

he asked. "A million," I rep lied.

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program

the rest of them will write Perl

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Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?

Wong Wei

What do you call a Native American girl that is really good with directions?

A Navajo.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did Adele crossed the road?

To say hello from the other side.

Why did the agnostic chicken cross the road?

There wasn't enough evidence to find out for sure.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships?

He wanted 2 hit singles

What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?

A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

Small Loan Jokes More Small Loan Jokes

How does a racist joke start?

A small loan of a million dollars.

How does a blonde man get really rich,stupid and a candidate for president ?

small loan of 100 million dollars

Dead Baby Jokes More Dead Baby Jokes

How many dead babies does it take to confuse a blond woman?

to get to the other side....

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not 8

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get?

Mine is a skittle.

Where do Polar Bears keep their money?

In the Snowbank. My first post is a dad joke LOL

Little Girl Jokes More Little Girl Jokes

What does Brown Santa say?

Gifts only for little girls with A's, B's and C's because the other ones already have the D's."

Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?

Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.

Promise Jokes More Promise Jokes

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?

A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

What do you call a promise you can't keep?

A campaign promise.