Queen Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?

Dead in a tunnel.

How does a queen get around her kingdom?

She gets throne.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free"

Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen

What does the Queen put on her toast?

Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat

Why was the Queen of Horses hated by her subjects?

Because she was too ahoof.

What is it called when the Queen farts?

a noble gas!

Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen?

Sir Veza

What did the Queen fans say at the stoning?

We will We will Rock you!

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What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

How is a Mac like a Queen's guard?

They're both run by Unix.

Who's gonna be the next queen of R&ampB?

I don't know yet but she's gonna be Beyondce!

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why was Cleopatra so negative?

Because she was queen of denial.

Why are kids with DS getting elected prom kings and queens?

Either way, they're going down in history.

What do they do when the Queen has a baby?

Fire a 21 gun salute. What do they do when a nun has a baby Fire the dirty old Canon.

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you say when your opponent resigns after you take their queen?

Sorry mate.

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

How do you make the king leer?

Put the queen in a bikini! (From krusty the klown)

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Which book has the worst cliffhanger?

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What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

They were both caused by a message from god.

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)