Joke of the Day

How does a Narcissist change a lightbulb?

He holds it up to the socket and the world revolves around him.

What does a bird say when it wants revenge?

Toucan play at that game!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call a stupid person?

stupid

Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet?

Because his pythons were sick

What's the paradox of 'lingerie'?

Done right, it doesn't linger.

How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They glow in the dark.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

Which trees have the most friends?

The poplar ones.

Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?

He ate Rameet!

What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party?

If were all here, who's looking after Madeline?"

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

Why couldn't the NSA leave their houses?

They got Snowden.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison"

Why do trash pandas always get into a fight?

They trash talk.

What do you call a short physic that has escaped from jail?

A small medium at large

What did one kid at the playground say to the other kid?

Hello from the other slIIIIiiiIIIIide

Why did Turkey disappear?

Because Austria was Hungary.

What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof?

You're hired

Why should we elect Gabe Newell as President of the United States?

So there won't be a World War III.

What do goats do to get off?

They pasturebate

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What is the only man made object visible from space?

Holland.

Why does Saturday stink?

Because it has a turd in it.

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

Where do animals go when their tails falls off?

The retail store

How sick are you?

Me:- Well i am in bed with my sister

Which war had the most overweight soldiers?

VietNOMNOMNOM

What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp?

Well, that was an unexpected twist!

Why did Richard leave his home this morning?

For Harambe.

What do the Police, the NFL and Black Lives Matter all have in common?

They all have the same PR guy.

What do the NFL and Jail have in common?

You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver.

Why was the anomaly so poor?

Because it didn't make any cents!

What's the difference between juice and cider?

I can't go deep in juice.

Why doesn't Lilly from AT&T commercials show any cleavage?

Because AT&T has the best coverage

Why does it take you forever to text me back?

3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

They only had two cars.

What fish is best to have in a boat?

A Sailfish.

Why did Dr Facilier cross the road?

He had friends on the other side.

What's a gambler's favorite time of day?

10 to 1.

Merge Jokes More Merge Jokes

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

A big mac*

Ballet Jokes More Ballet Jokes

Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?

Could they not hire taller dancers

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

Snooker Player Jokes More Snooker Player Jokes

What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player?

One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.

Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?

To pot the brown.

Northern Canada Jokes More Northern Canada Jokes

How much of northern Canada is habitable?

none of it.

How much of northern Canada is livable?

Nunavut*

2 Nun Jokes More 2 Nun Jokes

What do you call 2 Nuns & a Cheerleader?

2 Tightends & a Wide Reciever

Whats black, white and red all over?

2 nuns in a chainsaw fight!

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

Where is the best place to find discounted ray bans?

gt marked as spam

What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road?

The dead cat has skid marks around it.

Advice Jokes More Advice Jokes

What was the desert's piece of advice?

Gobi yourself

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

a lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

Mexican Joke Jokes More Mexican Joke Jokes

Why are all Mexican jokes and Black jokes the same?

Because once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

What's the difference between a black joke and Mexican joke?

Nothing. If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.