Joke of the Day

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

What did the canibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What did Beethoven do when he died?

Decompose.

What do you call a Scottish parrot ?

A Macaw !

How heavy is a photon?

I don't know, but it's probably light-weight

Why doesn't Shirley Manson change her Facebook relationship status?

She's only happy when "It's Complicated."

Why can't the Tyrannosaurus Rex clap?

Because they're dead

Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting?

Because he's always fighting pirates XD

What do you call an internet addict full of negativity?

You don't. No one calls him. Ever.

How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

none. That's a hardware problem but have you tried turning it on and off again

What are you planning on doing on MLK day?

Her: I plan on sleeping all day Me: ...Why Her: I want to have dreams too

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

artificial intelligence What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair red Selling her soul for intelligence

What do you call a cellphone company that uses nuclear power?

Cher-Mobile

Why did Al Gore have to schedule a dentist appointment?

Because of an inconvenient tooth.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

What do you call delicious Vietnamese food?

Vietnoms

What's white, lumpy, and extremely dangerous?

Shark infested mashed potatoes.

What's a rabbits' favorite dance?

The bunny hop.

When doesn't a telephone work underwater?

When it's wringing wet!

Why does the NBA finish in June?

She likes it.

What are the most useless items ever invented?

A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.

How do snipers communicate online?

FaZebook.

Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

Why do mermaids wear seashells for a bra?

Because "B" shells would be too small!

Why is pinocchio so good in the bedroom?

He nose what he's doing

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

Because he uses the best ingredients.

What do you call an exceptionally smart Native American?

IndiGENIUS

Why did the midget get slapped?

Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.

Who's there ! Carrie ! Carrie who ?

Carrie a torch !

Why do people on acid listen to Dubstep?

Because if they didn't drop the base it would be a neutral reaction and they wouldn't feel the psychedelic effects.

Why did the gold fish cross the road?

To go to /r/antijokes

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

Why is Nixon a bad chef?

Because he is not a cook.

Why wasn't Jesus born in the United states?

They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Command Alt Right.

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?

They have short tales!

What do you call a prehistoric humanoid who likes to take his time?

A meander-thal!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

Who's the biggest joke on the football team?

The PUNter

What did the nihilistic sea world trainer say to his boss?

There is no porpoise."

Breakdance Jokes More Breakdance Jokes

How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this?

Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is

What is something that can breakdance on the floor only once on their life?

A fish

Missile Toe Jokes More Missile Toe Jokes

What did the astronaut get instead of athlete's foot?

Missile Toe

What do astronauts get?

missile toe

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

What did the naturalist say when he saw a number of rocks covered in moss?

I'm lichen what I see"

Patio Furniture Jokes More Patio Furniture Jokes

What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs hanging out on your front porch?

Patio Furniture.

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio Furniture

Dollar Coin Jokes More Dollar Coin Jokes

What denomination are the coins in Super Mario Bros?

They're dollar coins, because a quarter is two bits, which means a dollar is 8 bits.

Why don't Americans like their dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

Curl Jokes More Curl Jokes

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.

What's my type?

Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.

Carrion Luggage Jokes More Carrion Luggage Jokes

What does a vulture bring onto a plane?

Carrion luggage

Why'd the vulture check his bag?

The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.

Bad Skydiver Jokes More Bad Skydiver Jokes

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "