Joke of the Day

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

Whats the longest running Canadian joke?

Terry Fox

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a shirt you hate?

Cloathed*

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and milk?

Chocolate milk! What do you get if you mix Coco Pops and chocolate milk Diabetes

What is Jesus' favourite dessert?

Propheteroles

Who's there ! Bones ! Bones who ?

Bones upon a time... !

Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Alaska?

Just for the halibut.

What did terrorists used to call Fidel Castro?

Infidel Castro

What do you call two obese lesbians who are about to turn in for the night?

Bedward ScissorHams

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.

What would you call an uprising at Charles Xavier's school?

A mutant-y

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Which element is most likely to surrender an electron?

Francium.

How did the Hulk feel after trying to lift Mjolnir?

He felt Thor.

What strengths do you bring to the job?

long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now

How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes (xpost r/imgoingtohellforthis)

Why do owls not mate when it's raining?

Toowet Towoo

What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.

What does a skeleton use to carry his bones?

A CART-ilage

Why did the cowgirl name her pony ink?

Because it kept running out of the pen!! My favorite joke when young :).

Where did the Irish guy get cancer?

In his prostatoe.

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

When is the best time to schedule a Dentist Appointment?

2:30 (Tooth Hurty)

Why wouldn't the Kabuto share his Potion?

He was a little shellfish.

What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt?

A Yoghurt's got culture!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Why can Kylie Jenner see right through Caitlin?

She's trans-parent.

Who's there ! Belle ! Belle who ?

Belle-t up and open this door !

What type of flour do you buy an orphan?

Self raising.

Which sports team honors the true spirit of Thanksgiving?

The Redskins

What did the statue say to the other statue?

Hey, S-tat-ue?

How do you have a rave in Greece?

Blu-Tac a euro to the ceiling.

What do you call the shiniest people?

Polish

What did the cannibal get when he was home late for dinner?

A cold shoulder

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

How do you start an insect race ?

One two flea - go

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you get if you cross a brown chicken and a brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-coooow

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

Stegosaurus Jokes More Stegosaurus Jokes

What do you call a stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?

Anything you want to - it can't here you!

What did one stegosaurus say to the other stegosaurus?

There's a sale on at the fern store!"

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How to make Holy Water Friend: Hey, how do you make Holy Water?

Me: Uhh...Let me think... Why Friend: You boil the hell out of it! Me: Get out.

What haircut did the Texan barber recommend when asked?

He couldn't think of anything, and said "I'll mullet over"

' Suh Good Jokes More ' Suh Good Jokes

How many 'suh goods' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

none its already lit sam hahahah ssoooohh

How many 'suh goods' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

none its already lit sam hahahah ssoooohh

Bola Jokes More Bola Jokes

When I was your age... When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what?

We were thankful.

What did they call Ebola before the Internet?

Bola

Blender Foot Jokes More Blender Foot Jokes

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

So you can see the look on its face. How do you get said baby out of the blender? Tortilla chips.

Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can make dinner and get head at the same time.

Tutu Jokes More Tutu Jokes

What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ?

A bellerina !

How do you make a tutu?

You put tu and tu together.

Hoodie Jokes More Hoodie Jokes

Which article of clothing is the most ghetto?

A Hoodie.

What does DMX say when he has trouble putting on a hoodie?

WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD AT?

Celery Jokes More Celery Jokes

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.

Who's there ! Celery ! Celery who ?

Celery me you lunch will you I'm hungry !