Musician Jokes

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?

A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?

He was conducting.

What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

Why are some musicians so antisocial?

Because all they want is tonics and dominance.

Why can you trust a musician?

Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What kind of investments do musicians make?

Sound investments.

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

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Which musician is the most generous?

Cher

What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called?

A singer

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

How do you get a musician off of your porch?

You pay for the pizza.

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of 4.

What's the difference between a musician and a large cheese pizza?

A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four.

Why was the musician arrested?

He got in treble.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

A: Violists.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party?

I'll be Bach

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning..."

Why did they arrest the musician?

He got into treble.

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds.

What Happens When You Cross A Programmer And A Musician?

An Algo-rhythm.

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

How did the musician catch his fish?

He castanet

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

How does a musician make a million dollars?

They start with 2 million.

What do you call an emperor who's also a musician?

A rock-czar

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

Why did the musician hate getting drunk?

He always had treble finding his keys!

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

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Rehearse Jokes More Rehearse Jokes

Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

Decompose Jokes More Decompose Jokes

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What's Mozart doing?

decomposing.

Decomposer Jokes More Decomposer Jokes

What do you call a zombie musician?

A decomposer.

What do people call Mozart and Beethoven after they died?

Decomposers

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

What do you call a man with a flamethrower?

2. What do you call his first victim 3. What do you call his second victim 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash

How much wine can a cat drink?

2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat

Duck Jokes More Duck Jokes

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?

A quack head. What is a ducks favorite snack Quackers. Why couldn't the duck drive his car His windshield was quacked.

What do you call a crate of ducks ?

A box of quackers !

Bach Jokes More Bach Jokes

What did the Terminator say when he was invited to a music themed fancy dress party?

I'll be Bach.

What did the Terminator say when he decided to take up piano?

I'll be bach.

O Jokes More O Jokes

What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?

They both turn "o" into "O".

What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Compose Jokes More Compose Jokes

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a boy-band composed of stoners?

No Direction.