Size Jokes

What's the best part about being an orphan?

All your chips and candy bars are family sized.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

Why do moths fly with their legs spread?

Have you ever seen the size of mothballs?

What do you call a file that is a petabyte in size?

What do you call a file that is a petabyte in size? A peta-file.

What size lumber is used to build homes in Dubai?

Dubai fours

What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly?

They ostrich-sized him

What did the bullied microchip say?

PIC on someone your own size!

What is the size of women in Italy?

Itali-cized.

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size?

Four-tified

What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?

Medium.

What did the booger say to the finger?

Pick on someone your own size.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Coffee Mug

What do you call somebody who is content being average sized?

A happy medium.

Which I replied, "Wanna know whats also the size of Australia?

Australia.

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.

How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan?

Depends on the size of the pieces.

Why do moths fly with their legs apart?

Have you ever seen the size of moth balls

What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.

How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

A: Inflate it.

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

What is 6 afraid of 7?

Because size matters.

How do hens always know what size your egg cup is?

They don't but all eggs always fit.

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File Jokes More File Jokes

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder

Whats worse than Bad command or File name?

Windows update message asking you to restart your computer

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What's the best part about abortions?

They never get old

What's the best part of a pregnancy joke?

The delivery.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket?

Is that you, coffin?

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

America Jokes More America Jokes

Why don't you hear any knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

How do you sell a dog to someone hard of hearing?

Get really close to their ear and shout, "DO YOU WANNA BUY A DOG "

Why do Chinese people love NY?

Because they heard we sell hotdogs for $0.75 each.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

Condom Jokes More Condom Jokes

When do Catholics allow the use of condoms?

When the choir boys have diarrhea.

Why is it prestigious to wear a condom?

It's a members-only jacket.

Golf Jokes More Golf Jokes

What do you get when you mix free running with golf?

Parfour Sorry

Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing?

In case he got a hole-in-one!