Bleed Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

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What's got two legs, spots and bleeds?

Half a cheetah.

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

How do you make an orphans hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until daddy gets home

What's the easiest way to make a homeless person bleed?

Brush their teeth!

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

What's got two legs and bleeds?

half a dog Derek, s01e05

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What has got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog!

What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

How many times did you get tackled?

m:bleeding Twice

What has 2 legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

What's got two legs and bleed a lot?

half-a-dog!

What does the husband say to his wife whose nose is bleeding?

Nothing, he already said it twice.

Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote?

ME: bleeding profusely So... not a dog

How do you know when a liberal is really dead?

A: His heart stops bleeding.

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.

What is puberty?

B- Do you bleed BD - ... B - You Will

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

Why do women make better soldiers?

Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

What can guys call it?

How about bleeding white

What do Jesus and my high school girlfriend have in common?

They both bled for me.

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Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How many Germans does it take to tile a bathroom?

Only one, if you cut him thin enough.

How do hispanics cut a pizza?

Little Caesars

Orphan Jokes More Orphan Jokes

Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is

What do you call an orphan named Rose?

Self-raising flour

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Where do dogs park their cars?

In barkinglots.

What do you do when you hear a woman got hit by a car?

Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

Paper Cut Jokes More Paper Cut Jokes

What does Morpheus seek for paper cuts?

Neosporin.

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did the Dad divorce his wife after she named their son?

She named him Oedipus.

Why do husbands typically die before their wives?

They want to.

Brush Jokes More Brush Jokes

What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.

Why do cowboys have foreskin?

So they have a place to put there chewing tobacco when brushing their teeth

Easy Way Jokes More Easy Way Jokes

What's an easy way on /r/jokes to find feminism jokes?

Just look for ones that have a "JOKE:" disclaimer

What is the easy way to get a wild elephant ?

Get a tame one and annoy it !