Elf Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

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What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer?

When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

What does Santa teach his elves?

The Elfabet!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that sings?

A wrapper.

Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

Why did the elf have to play with Mega Bloks?

Because he was Legoless

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How do elves spell?

With an elfabet.

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How many elves does a german santa have?

Elf.

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What do you call an elf who lost all his toys?

Legolas

What do you call an elf that's afraid of Jethro Tull?

A: 10:45

What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist?

Elrond Hubbard!

What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?

A nearby horseman answers, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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Scientology Jokes More Scientology Jokes

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

What did Dave Grohl say when someone stole his Greek food?

There goes my gyroooo

Legola Jokes More Legola Jokes

Why did the drunk guy call the sheep Legolas?

Because it was a cloud

Why was the baby elf sad?

Because he was Legolas

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach?

Hiding the erection.

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?

Eski-moos!

Naughty Girl Jokes More Naughty Girl Jokes

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Why is Santa Clause always so Jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer?

Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur" I guess it is #rightprivilege

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

High Elf Jokes More High Elf Jokes

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

Who stole the golden necklace? Was it a High Elf, a Nord or a Khajiit?

The Khajiit.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What did Santa say when he had to travel through the desert?

My chestnuts are roasting"