Ireland Jokes

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

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What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What is the stinkiest number in Ireland?

Farty.

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

he thought he was going to Arrrland.

What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland?

A virgin.

What do you call a pirate from Ireland??

Arrrish

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

Why are there so many people in Ireland?

Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

Why Ireland so rich?

Because its capital is always Dublin.

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call sunscreen in Ireland?

Pubs

Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!

Why is it so expensive to live in Ireland?

Cause they keep *Dublin* the taxes.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

What is similar between Spain, Ireland, and the United States?

Their economies falter after a popping of a housing bubble.

What side of the road do they drive on in ireland?

None. They're so drunk and violent no one is allowed to drive.

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

because the population is always Dublin.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland?

Paddy O' Furniture

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

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They're the ones shouting "Black Lives Matter!"

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When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !

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What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

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Why is everyone investing in Ireland?

because the capital is always Dublin!

Why Ireland so rich?

Because its capital is always Dublin.

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Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels?

Very large ones.

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What do you call the place where parrots make films?

Pollywood!

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

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Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

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Where do fleas go to surf?

A: To the microwave.

Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net?

The www.izard of Oz.

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What do Harvard and a virgin have in common?

You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.

How can you tell a redneck girl is a virgin?

She can run faster than her brother.