Rule Jokes

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

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What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule?

The pet store

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

Why does pokemon have only one save file per game?

I mean think about it, One for Charmander One for Squirtle and one for your second charmander. (found that but it's against rules to post links lol so I'll just leave that here for a good laugh)

What's the difference between a catholic and and a catoholic?

One is devoted to following to rules laid down by those who consider their will that of the divine. The other is a type of christian.

What do you call a developmentally challenged member of the ruling elite?

An autistocrat.

What do you call a country ruled by dank memes?

Kappatalism

How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules?

Post something humorous in . P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?

What's the first rule for hitting on girls?

Hit them where it won't show.

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

Who would rule in a dog world ?

The pawlice.

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What do the umpires rule it?

Fowl ball

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

What did the sign say?

Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Who ruled France until he exploded?

A: Napoleon Blownapart!

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?

Draculaw

What do you call a country ruled by oppressive Vikings?

Norse Korea

What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

Why did god invent whiskey?

x-post /r/drunkjokes) So the Irish would never rule the world

What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?

A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!

If I had to guess the religion of Daniel Day Lewis...

I would probably say Methodist.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do white people think they can say the N word?

Because it is the only thing left that still belongs to black people.

How's the ventriloquism going?

ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happen when you put Einstein in a -20C clean room?

You get a solid-state frizzicist.

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?

They quit smoking.

Shopping Cart Jokes More Shopping Cart Jokes

Why did God invent shopping carts?

To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Game Jokes More Game Jokes

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones?

There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

What game are you watching?

I wonder what she thought I was doing with my hands.

Violate Jokes More Violate Jokes

What happens when you violate Reddit's rules?

removed

What' is a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir, We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Sign Jokes More Sign Jokes

What do men and mascara have in common?

They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Why was that guy yelling at you?

flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign me with a mouthful of cheese samples No idea

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What does a redneck do after she bangs her second cousin?

She quits counting.

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Grandkid Jokes More Grandkid Jokes

When a guy yells out, "Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?

She yelled back, "Because I swallowed them all!"

What did the sign say?

Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.