Couple Jokes

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How long does it take for a Homeless man's stomach to be full?

A couple of seconds.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish."

What's the difference between a necrophiliac and someone with a granny fetish?

A couple of weeks

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory?

Give him a couple of test-tickles.

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs?

A pair of polegics!

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

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How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

How many cats does it take for a woman to qualify as a "crazy cat lady?

None. Just a couple of youtube cat videos.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What do you call a Christian who fell down the stairs?

A couple of steps closer to their final destination.

What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods?

Trail micks.

Why are men better cooks than women?

Because with a sausage, a couple of eggs, and some cream, a man can keep a woman full for 9 months.

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

Why did the couple bring a melon to their honeymoon?

Because they cantaloupe...

How can you tell if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a couple of test tickles...

What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

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Variable Jokes More Variable Jokes

What is an independent variable?

Student: A variable who don't need no man

What's the difference between redneck newlyweds and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.

Google Jokes More Google Jokes

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What did the redneck say when he lost his virginity?

Thanks mum xD

Why did my local sandwich shop lose all of its workers??

I was told they were sick of being subordinates.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?

Now it would be for the prescriptions.

How bad is it, Doctor?

Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot

Stork Jokes More Stork Jokes

What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies?

A swallow

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

M Jokes More M Jokes

Whats a gf?

Mom: if youre a good boy, youll get one when youre older. Son: What is Im not a good boy? Mom: Youll get many.

Where is your unicorn?

Me: I don't have a unicorn. A: You better get naked and go into that Arby's and look for it anyway. M: Ok.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?

Chickpea

Why do you hate me?

me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon

Corny Joke Jokes More Corny Joke Jokes

What is a Squirrels favorite joke?

A-corny joke.

What should I buy for dinner?

I see frozen peas are cool this time of year. ..you might say that's a corny joke, but it's really not. It's a pea joke.