Carpenter Jokes

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

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What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails?

Jesus

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!"

How can you tell if a carpenter is happy?

Check his spirit level.

How is Jesus different from other carpenters?

Unlike other carpenters, Jesus may actually return one day

How does a carpenter effectively build stairs?

He thinks one step ahead

Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad?

Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

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Who was the first carpenter?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

4. Prophet.

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

Why the carpenter is always constipated?

Because his stool so hard!

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

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What is the only difference between this year and last year?

A building in Dubai.

What happens when two lesbians build a house?

It's all tongue and groove, and no stud inside.

Roman Jokes More Roman Jokes

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

What's a pirate's favourite Roman numeral?

You might think it's II, but his true love be the C.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?

Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.

How many Star Trek captains does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but there are FOUR LIGHTS!

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What elements make up life?

Lithium and Iron

Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest?

They're always eager for more on their pate.

Spirit Level Jokes More Spirit Level Jokes

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

You use a spirit level.

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?

With spirit levels.

Maple Jokes More Maple Jokes

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree?

I'd tap that."

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What sound does a Greek gun make?

TZZZZAT, TZZZZZZZAT!

What sound does a Filipino horse make when it gallops?

Tagalog-tagalog-tagalog-tagalog.