Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Year Old Jokes More Year Old Jokes

What's the best part about twenty two year old wheels of cheese?

There are twenty of them.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling very well. Credit to my four year old niece.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

How do you know a cat is ready to leave?

He makes a fe-line for the door.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?

A. To remind her that "toes go in first."

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?

Because if they had pulled them by their feet they would have filled up with mud

What's the easiest way to get the chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer

Villain Jokes More Villain Jokes

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

How do you die by heroin?

When you are the villain

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why is it called an "almond" in the tree but an "amond" when it falls to the ground?

When it falls to the ground, it knocks the 'ell out of it.

What's a dogs favorite part of a tree?

Stick? BARK!

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you call a cat crossed with a canary?

a cosh(x/a)

What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude!

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What are the two words men hate most unless used together?

Don't Stop

Why did the man take a shower?

He was a thief