England Jokes

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey

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5.0

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What's the different between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag last longer in the cup

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

Why does England always get attacked in the summer?

Because the Knights are shorter then.

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What do you call a starving artist from 17th Century England?

baroque

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

Who is the poorest in England?

The Tooth Fairy!

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What's the difference between England and a teabag?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

What did the Mexican detective say in England?

I'm like Sherlock, holmes.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

What's the difference between England and Oscar Pistorius?

England gets off scott-free.

What's got two wings, a tail and twenty five pricks?

England's return flight.

Why did the Siamese Twins travel to England?

So the other one could drive

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

What's the difference between the England football team and a teabag?

The teabag stays longer in the cup.

What famous chiropodist ruled England ?

William the Corn-cutter!

Why is the letter E like London?

Because it is the capital of England.

Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ?

A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop."

What is the most romantic city in England?

Loverpool!

What do terrorists and the England football team have in common?

They will never win

What do they do for the 4th of July in England?

Sulk.

What's the difference between England and an egg cup?

An egg can stay in the cup longer

What's next to England?

A question mark.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

Why did Marxism never catch on in England?

Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.

Why is England the wettest country?

Monarchies have reigned there for centuries.

What's Christmas called in England ?

Yule Britannia !

Why is England so special?

Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.

What do you call the prince of england's donger?

The buckingham phallus.

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Where's England, Jon?

He proudly answers: - Page 83.

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England ?

Because England was discovered before the USA !

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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13th Jokes More 13th Jokes

What do they call the 13th floor in England?

The 12th floor.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...

It's impossible to put down

Summer Jokes More Summer Jokes

Where did the ADHD kid spend his summer?

Dark) At a concentration camp.

What are the hottest days during summer?

Sun-days

Cup Jokes More Cup Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

What's the difference between a cup and a mug?

being cupped is far more pleasurable than being mugged

Siamese Twin Jokes More Siamese Twin Jokes

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

What do you call a blonde holding a balloon?

A: Siamese twins.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A: A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

What does having kids bring you that money simply can't buy?

Poverty

50 Jokes More 50 Jokes

What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston?

My car can hit 50.

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

What did the dog say when he chased his tail?

This is the end.