Gas Jokes

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

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What has 10 letters and starts with gas?

Automobile.

What is similar between gas and water?

Not much, but in Flint they are both regular and unleaded

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?

Formaldehyde

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Which 4?

Employee: Electricity, Gas, Cable, Credit Card.

Why was the laser sad?

All his gas is Argon.

Why did the Ferguson protesters go home early last night?

The whole thing was a gas.

What are the four most common types of states of matter?

Solid, gas, liquid and Black Lives.

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What does a virus call a cluster of stars and gas?

Nebola

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

flatulence"

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm ... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

What gas do snails prefer?

Shell.

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

What do cars and humans have in common?

We both burn gas.

Who's there ! Cargo ! Cargo who ?

Cargo better if you fill it with gas first !

What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one?

The type of gas used.

Why couldn't the Germans make a good vacuum chamber?

There was too much gas in them.

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

What gas leaves a pirate speechless?

Argon

How many states of matter are there?

5: solids, liquids, gases, plasma, and black lives

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?

Mad-at-gas-cars!

What do you call the german version of Harry Potter?

Heinrich Potter, and the chamber of gas.

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

Where does the dentist get his gas?

At the filling station

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They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

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I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

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What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

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What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly?

They ostrich-sized him

Which fly makes films ?

Stephen Speilbug !

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What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

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Why is the next Windows version 10?

Because 7 8 9

What is Australian cuisine called?

Prison food

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When do you know that you are getting old?

When you have babies on purpose

What's the purpose of Barry Chuckle's job at British Gas?

To meter you.

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Why should you always invite mushrooms to your parties?

They're fun guys!

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ?

I don't know I wasn't invited !

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Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

Where'd you get that?

The parrot says, "In France. They're everywhere!"