River Jokes

Why is a river really rich?

Its got two banks.

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What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?

Crimea a river

What do you get if you cross a river with a bridge?

to the other side.

What is the river of negation called?

The Nile

Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river?

Tequila

What river separates China and India?

Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

What did the sea say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide!

How did the elephant get out of the river?

Wet

Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.

What did the ocean say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide."

What was Roe v. Wade really about?

The fastest way to get across a river.

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What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

What do you call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?

Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada

What did the river say when it saw the beavers?

I'll be dammed.

Why was drug addicted Moses upset when he was floating down a river?

because he was in Da-Nile

What did the electrician say while swimming across a river?

Oh my God, that's a lot of current!"

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

How do you spell Mississippi?

Redneck: Which one The river or the state

Where does a river keep it's money?

At the bank.

What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river?

Quatro-cinco

Why do elephants jump across rivers?

So they won't step on the fish.

What do you call a river that's an actor?

Russell Flow

What do beavers do to a river?

God dam it

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?

A motor pike !

Why did the hummer cross the river?

For the insurance money.

How do I get to the other side of the river?

The blonde yells back "You are on the other side!"

What do you call paddling down a river of skim milk?

white water rafting.

What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ?

Nothing, he was just full of tears

What's grey stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet ?

An elephant with an umbrella !

What am I gonna do with a river?

Could you cry me a beer

What has a mouth but no teeth?

A: A river.

Why don't hipsters like rivers?

Too mainstream

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What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

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Why should you never wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fall off.

Whats Putins favourite food?

Ukrainian take away.

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What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job?

My career is in Jeopardy!"

What's an archeologist?

A: Someone whose career is in ruins.

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Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He was trying to bust a move

What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?

Banner.

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What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles?

Stumped

Dr. Jokes More Dr. Jokes

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

What do you call the worst Dr. who graduated from the worst med school?

Dr.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!"

What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?

Age

Maine Jokes More Maine Jokes

Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River?

They're two Maine streams.

What's the difference between a Maine girl and a moose?

15 lbs and a flannel shirt.