Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

a dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( )

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

unevening.

What is the opposite of an autistic?

What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews?

r/news

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

What's the opposite of 4chan?

4chad

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the opposite of funny?

answer: Jay Leno

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

What is the opposite of Karen Carpenter and John Denver duo?

Two Live Crew

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of Polygamy?

gt What is the opposite of Polygamy Monotony

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

A: Maryland and Misury

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Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's the difference between a Transformer robot and a Transgender person?

One is living in a spaceship and one is living a lie.

Whoa what do you do for a living?

I STAY AWAKE FOR A LIVING!" *roundhouse kicks barista*

Progress Jokes More Progress Jokes

What do you call a lamppost in Niger?

Progress.

What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress?

Rule Jokes More Rule Jokes

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

What's the first rule of contradiction club?

There is no contradiction club

Dentist Jokes More Dentist Jokes

Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

What game did the dentist play when she was a child?

Caps and robbers

Kevin Hart Jokes More Kevin Hart Jokes

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

When can a woman make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire (Credit to Kevin Hart)

Con Jokes More Con Jokes

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What's the best thing about a poet in a prison?

Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why did Bowie die?

I guess he was shot through the heart

Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

Michael Schumacher Jokes More Michael Schumacher Jokes

What do you call a speeding vegetable?

Michael Schumacher.

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.