Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

a dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( )

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

unevening.

What is the opposite of an autistic?

What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews?

r/news

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

What's the opposite of 4chan?

4chad

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the opposite of funny?

answer: Jay Leno

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

What is the opposite of Karen Carpenter and John Denver duo?

Two Live Crew

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of Polygamy?

gt What is the opposite of Polygamy Monotony

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

A: Maryland and Misury

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Dentist Jokes More Dentist Jokes

What is a drill team?

A group of dentists who work together.

Why don't dentists display their awards?

Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.

Congress Jokes More Congress Jokes

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

Society Jokes More Society Jokes

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

A: Society.

How do introverts feel within society?

removed

Turkish Jokes More Turkish Jokes

How many French words has the Turkish language recently adopted?

Beaucoup.

Why did the chickens cross the border?

Because they were Turkish.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Which cat won the race?

A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

What do Baptists and cats have in common?

You know they're doing it, you just can't catch them at it.

Pig Latin Jokes More Pig Latin Jokes

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

Why is it called "pig latin"?

ecausebay ronyiay

American History Jokes More American History Jokes

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

Pet Jokes More Pet Jokes

What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan