Reply Jokes

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

Who slept with my wife?

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why don't you play with your friends?

he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Why did you do that?

I replied,"That's what you're supposed to do in soccer, right Kick balls "

How much is a dozen bananas?

ampnbsp And the cashier replies: &ampnbsp -Twelve bananas

How does the chef prepare the chicken?

The waiter replies, "He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

How's your head?

Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?

Slightly nsfw) His boss answers "I don't know." The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

This joke may have profanity.

What products do I use for grooming?

She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook."

What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

How much for 2 children?

She replied, "$9.50." "Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip "

What does TTYL mean?

I replied, "Talk to you later". So she responded, "No! Talk to me now! What does it mean "

What have you been doing for it?

She replies, "Snorting pepper."

How much will that be?

asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

How did you get here?

he asked. And the new angel replied "Flu..."

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

What I reply with when someone asks, "What'd the comment say?

Removed

Which one's yours?

I replied, "None of them... yet."

Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

Which doctor?

I replied "No, a medical one."

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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Fool Jokes More Fool Jokes

What do you call Al-Qaeda's April Fools prank?

A jihahahad!

Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

Buccan Hat Jokes More Buccan Hat Jokes

What did the kid ask the Pirate?

Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneer' s?

Under his buccan-hat.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why the chicken cross the road .... to get the Chinese newspaper. Do you get it?

Neither do I, I get the new york times

Why Did The Black Guy Crossed The Road?

because... chicken.lel

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do men and sperm have in common?

A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

What do you call a man who worships his own scrotum?

Sacrilegious.

Scold Jokes More Scold Jokes

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."

What did the Elephant say while scolding her children?

Tusk Tusk I am so sorry

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch ?

What's Jay-z's favorite store?

Bed, bath and Beyond-ce.

Adam Jokes More Adam Jokes

What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection?

Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!"

Why is Adam known as the first accountant?

He turned a leaf and made an entry.