Wipe Jokes

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his bum.

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What does a cannibal do after dumping their girlfriend?

They wipe, flush, and wash their hands

What's it called when you're using Tinder on the toilet?

Swiping and wiping.

What does a Russian use to wipe their mouth?

a soviet

Which hand did Henry VIII use to wipe his bottom with?

Anne Boleyn's.

What's the best way to wipe a computer server?

A cloth.

What do the U.S.S. Enterprise and Toilet Paper have in common?

They both wipe out Klingons.

What did the cannibal do after dumping her boyfriend?

She wiped her arse.

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Why do we call it toilet paper?

Does anyone wipe their toilet with it

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What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom?

A swipe and wipe.

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.

What do you call it when you keep wiping but brown still shows?

The Trail of Smears

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What's this?

Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch M: ...

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

What does Magneto do when his computer gets dirty?

He wipes the hard drive.

What hand do you wipe with?

Answer: left or right Response: why not use toilet paper

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

Where did you learn to do that?

Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's

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What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

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What do you get if you cross a Phyllis with a Christine?

A Philistine with two mommies ...

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Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back

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Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

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Because she uses the other one to sing.

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What happens when you put too many paintings in your car?

You can't make your van gogh.

What did Mark Antony say to Van Gogh?

Lend me your ears