Italian Jokes

Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?

A spaghetto

What do you call authentic Italian wine harvested in January?

Genuwine.

What do you call an Italian that has taken Viagra?

Al dente

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a lazy Italian at the gym?

Mussolini

What's another word for Italian cologne?

Garlic

Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house?

because he has gnocchi

Why couldn't the Italian get into his house?

Because he had gnocchi.

How can you tell if someone is Italian?

They'll tell you.

What is an Italian mobster's favorite cooking oil?

Cannoli Oil.

What happened when the Italian chef died?

He pasta away

What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go?

Flabio.

Why Did the Italian Go to the Sauna?

For a self'a steam.

What do you call an Italian Yeti?

A Spaghyeti!

Where do impoverished Italians live?

In the spaghetto

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

What is an Italian's favorite type of breakfast?

Serie-a*l

Why couldn't the Italian chef get into his restaurant?

Gnocchi.

What do you get when you cross an (italian) with a gorilla?

A retarded gorilla. (Can be modified to offend any nationality or group)

What did the Mexican say to the Italian?

Que pasta

What do you call an Italian whore?

A pastatute. I'll see myself out.

This joke may have profanity.

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me !

What do you call an Italian reggae enthusiast?

A pastafarian

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

What do you call an Italian mobster who specializes in cold coffee drinks?

Al Frap-Pacino

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

Funicula

What does an Italian cow say when he gets an extra delivery of hay to the barn?

That's amorehay!

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Wittness?

They don't like any witnesses.

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Leonardo Jokes More Leonardo Jokes

What do Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael have in common?

They're all Renaissance Italian artists.

Why did Leonardo Take forever to laugh at my Oscars joke?

Cause he just got it!

Manage Jokes More Manage Jokes

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

How did you manage to stay single for so long?

Single Handedly

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise."

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What do you call a hippie that can't cook?

Burning ham!

Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs?

He only had Non-Stick pans.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack?

The lumberjack has a job.

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

Italian Man Jokes More Italian Man Jokes

What do you call an Italian man with Parkinson's?

A stutterer.

Why do Italian men wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

European Jokes More European Jokes

What European capital has the most ghosts?

Boodapest!

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Moustache Jokes More Moustache Jokes

Why do women like men with moustaches?

Because they immediately see something about you they can change.

What did the facial hair say when it had to leave the party?

Sorry guys, moustache!"