Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat?

One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.

How do you ruin a joke?

By reposting it every week!

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

What do your mom and Poland have in common?

a lot of countries have been inside her.

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.

What food are you able to can?

Cannibal (can able) food.

Fence Jokes More Fence Jokes

Why is there a fence around the graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

Why do they put fences around cemeteries?

People are dying to get in.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How did the psychologist die?

He Freudian slipped.

Why are ghosts always just moaning?

Did your manners die too Use your words!

Crossfit Jokes More Crossfit Jokes

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

Why is Jesus Christ so buff?

Crossfit

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

What did Jesus say after he was resurrected?

Nailed it

Trouser Jokes More Trouser Jokes

Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?

In case you get a hole in one!

What did capital 'O' say to capital 'Q'?

Hey, put that thing back in your trousers!"