Cigarette Jokes

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

The one smoking the cigarette.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette?

Tobaccio

How are Cigarettes like Hamsters?

They're harmless until you put one in your mouth and light in on fire

What is the worst way to ask for a cigarette in San Francisco?

You got a fag I can bum?"

This joke may have profanity.

What is a hippies favourite type of cigarette?

Yours :P

What's a hipster's favorite kind of cigarette?

Yours.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

Where do dead people buy their cigarettes?

At the coroner store.

What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

Yours.

What do you name a dog with no legs?

Cigarette" because you take him out for a drag.

How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

It's smoking a cigarette.

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.

What're you in for?

I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it." "We've all been there, brother."

What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity?

GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?

Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.

How did they light their cigarettes?

One man threw a cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

What does an Arab do after riding his camel?

He has a cigarette!

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

Why shouldn't Spanish women smoke cigarettes?

You shouldn't smoke if your pregnant.

Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette?

Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.

Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing?

To get some fresh air

How do you ask for a cigarette in spain?

Tapas a snout!

What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity?

Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

How hard is it to find cigarettes?

Because my dad has been gone for 13 years looking for them.

How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

What did the Mississippi girl say when she lost her virginity?

Get off me Daddy you're crushin' my cigarettes.

How do you get stuck in an annoying conversation with a stranger?

Ask someone vaping if you can bum a cigarette.

What do you call a statue of Jesus made out of cigarettes?

Holy smokes.

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Chowasaki. - Pat H.

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It lifts spirits

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How much did the obese man know about fitness?

Diddly squat

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

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Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged?

Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.

Bad Day Jokes More Bad Day Jokes

What was your worst day?

When I had diarrhea.

How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

Keith Richards Jokes More Keith Richards Jokes

What do Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and Keith Richards have in common?

They both made habits fashionable.

Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America, but yellow filters in Europe?

So Keith Richards can tell which continent he's in.

E Jokes More E Jokes

How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?

A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?

Because the lime was engaged.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why do you want to work here?

ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.

Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

What do planets do to follow each other on SpaceTube?

Sunscribe.