Marriage Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

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What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why is 1 disapproving of 6?

That one doesn't believe in six before marriage.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

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What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What did the snake priest say to the snake groom after the marriage?

You may now "hiss" the bride.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

What's common between Marriage &amp a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage?

Feyonce

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

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Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

Why can't the two melons get married?

I don't know but they cantaloupe.

What do you call a fruit that won't get married?

A Cantaloupe.

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ?

A baked potato

What do you call someone who really likes balloons?

Autistic.

Pothead Jokes More Pothead Jokes

What do you call a pothead that breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

It was too bright in here anyway.

Popeye Jokes More Popeye Jokes

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many ADD/ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Wanna go ride bikes

Form Jokes More Form Jokes

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

How can you tell retarded kids form the art students?

Retards don't wear Black.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place. I'll let myself out.

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!