Marriage Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?

Let's knot."

Why were Popeye's forearms so big?

Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

What two words result in the most marriages?

Screw it. EDIT: has a better answer lol

What kind of degree do you inherit through marriage?

A degree in law.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Why is 1 disapproving of 6?

That one doesn't believe in six before marriage.

What starts out happy but ends in tears?

Marriage

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What did the snake priest say to the snake groom after the marriage?

You may now "hiss" the bride.

What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage?

The energy bill ...

How is a marriage like a hot bath?

A: Once you get used to it it's not so hot.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

What's common between Marriage &amp a Port-a-potty?

There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it.

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before marriage?

Feyonce

Why did the marriage between the crab and the shrimp end in a divorce?

Because they were both too Shellfish.

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce?

Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

Why does mom always yell at you?

Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you're stupid

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

You might also enjoy:

Melon Jokes More Melon Jokes

What do you get if you water a melon?

a wet melon.

Why did the melon leave her boyfriend?

He said he can't elope.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage?

The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.

Suffer Jokes More Suffer Jokes

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What does a cranky Japanese person suffer from?

PAST: Post Atomic Stress Disorder

Stoner Jokes More Stoner Jokes

What's the difference between a stoner and a Muslim?

When stoners are smoking, they don't explode.

Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

To marry Jane

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What defies the law of gravity?

Women. They heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

Why are you hitting that spider?

wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this

Communist Jokes More Communist Jokes

Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

What do you call an American who does not like apple pie?

A Communist

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

Why did the two boa constrictors get married ?

Because they had a crush on each other !sna

Why do clumsy people get married?

They fall in love.

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

How does a hamster propose to his girlfriend?

With a hamst-ring! I'm sorry.

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage, you wanna?