Open Jokes

What do computers and air conditioners have in common?

Neither work when you open windows.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the man open a rooftop bar?

He wanted to have drinks on the house.

How can you open a banana?

With a monkey!

How many guys does it take to open a beer?

None, it should be open when she brings it to you.

Who's there ! Bettina ! Bettina who ?

Bettina minute you'll open this door !

Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?

A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.

Who's there ! Belle ! Belle who ?

Belle-t up and open this door !

What did Bob Marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge?

No, Woman, no pie."

Why is there lipstick on your collar?

she yelled. "It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."

What would you're opening line be?

Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's it called when a huge hole opens up in the ground in the middle of Spring?

Sinkhole de Mayo

What do you call a man who opens the car door for you?

A chauffeur.

Who's there ! Alexia ! Alexia who ?

Alexia again to open this door !

What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise?

Open the door and kick her out.

Why couldn't the Jedi open the door?

He didn't use enough force...

Why did blonde open a fishcan in a shop?

Because on top of it was written : Open here.

What did Michael get for his birthday?

Gloves ... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it Not Michael

What broke?

opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! parenting from the bathroom

Who's there ! Adore ! Adore who ?

Adore stands between us open up !

Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Why is the middle east the best place to open a store at the moment?

Because business is booming.

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

How does a blonde turn on the light after making love?

Opens the car door.

How do you give a quadriplegic a headache?

Ask him to hold open the elevator door

What did the little girl say when opened up a box of Cheerios?

Awww, look daddy, doughnut seeds!!!

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open?

Tennish

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam?

Because the top said "Twist to open."

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

How's your narcissism?

Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* opens window HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"

Why is it best to ask photographers personal questions at night?

X-post r/photography) Because they open up when it gets dark.

How does Steve Irwin open a lock made of tears?

With a "Cry-key!"

Who's there ! Canon ! Canon who ?

Canon open the door then

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Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold out tide.

What do you call a bikini clad conspiracy theorist?

An illumi-hotty!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

What happens when two smurfs are in love?

They smuck

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

Hard Time Jokes More Hard Time Jokes

What's the similarity of a dough and a human?

If they are thick, they have a hard time to rise

Why do physicists have such a hard time figuring out why their experiments fail Monday through Thursday?

Causal fridays.

Jedi Jokes More Jedi Jokes

Why was the Jedi so good at the synthesizer?

He had a high MIDI-chlorian count. Test.

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?

To get to the dark side.

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?

I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

How did you get here?

he asked. And the new angel replied "Flu..."

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Why do think that?

The boy responds "Because he closes his eyes when he kisses me."

Where is children?

Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why you ask?

If it was any longer it wouldn't be a foot

What did baby corn asked mummy corn?

Where's popcorn.