Spider Jokes

What do you call a spider that likes 80s music?

A Durantula.

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What do you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs in the system?

A spider

Which web developer enjoys finding bugs?

A spider!

Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ?

Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

What do you get when you cross a bear and a spider?

A six-legged, honey-lovin', web-spinnin'

Why was the spider inside the Computer?

He was looking for a webpage!

What's Varys the Spider's favorite OS?

Unix

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

An anarchid.

What's a spiders favorite way to learn?

A webinar.

Why can't you talk to spiders who get shut in pianos?

They'll B flat

What animal is two animals at the same time?

The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait.

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What does Bob the spider do for a living?

He's a web developer.

What has two legs and looks like a spider?

A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)

What did the spider say when he broke his new web ?

Darn it !

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ?

Webley stadium !

What do you call a David Bowie tribute band made up of astro-arachnologists?

The Spiders from Mars :(

What's wrong with that?

You've seen spiders before. Boy: Yes but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!

How do spiders drive a van?

10 on top 10 below Where would you like to go Get in. Get in the Spider Van.

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

What do they call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids

What does a spider want to be when he grows up?

This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........) A web designer.

What do you call spiders in the Middle East?

Iraqnids. Yep. An original.

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What do you call a spider from Baghdad?

An Iraqnid.

What are spiders webs good for ?

Spiders !

What do you call it when a spider gets a pimple?

Arachne

What kind of doctors are like spiders ?

Spin doctors !

Why are you hitting that spider?

wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law leaving I don't have to take this

Why are spiders like tops ?

They are always spinning !

What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka

What did the spider say to the bee ?

Your honey or your life !

What do you call a spider with no legs?

A raisin

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?

I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

Why did the spider buy a car ?

So he could take it out for a spin !

What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?

A harenet.

What do you call two spiders who just got married?

A: Newlywebs.

What do you call a Spider-man that is a valet?

A Peter Parker

What's the most common career choice among spiders?

Web development

Why did the spider cross the road?

To get to his website!

Why are spiders so unproductive?

Because they hang out on the web all day!

What does a spider do when he gets angry ?

He goes up the wall !

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ

How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

Why do spiders hate Area 51?

It's a no-fly zone.

Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed?

Son: I couldn't find a spider.

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Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What's the penalty for bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.

Why is 17 called the "mother-in-law" in black jack?

Because you wanna hit it, but sometimes you cant.

Bug Jokes More Bug Jokes

What's the difference between squash and zucchini?

You can't zucchini bugs! A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.

Which bug gobbles up trash?

Second Caribou: The litterbug.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What's black and white and red allover?

My dalmatian after being hit by a car

What's green and hurts when it hits you in the eye?

A snooker table

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

Where did the seaweed... Where did the seaweed find a job?

In the "Kelp Wanted" section of the want-ads.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What do you call a person that constantly hunts for karma?

A predditor. EDIT:

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

Bad Thing Jokes More Bad Thing Jokes

What is the worst thing anyone can do to a blind man?

Leave a plunger in the toilet!

Whats the worst thing you can call a black man that starts with N and ends with R?

Neighbor

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you get when you put birthday candles on a pizza?

You can't figure it out I mean, it's a pizz'a cake.

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

How many dwarves does it take to paint a room red?

It depends how hard you throw then against the wall.