Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home?

A taxi

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg edit: slightly improved punchline

What did the mother of the guy who broke his arms say at the beginning of every 'session'?

ssh bby is ok

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?

It doesn't have both arms raised. And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

What does a Soldier and a Shoulder have in common?

They have access to arms.

What does an octopus wear on a cold day?

A coat of arms!

When I see a "How am I driving?

sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming?

Bob.

Why did Timmy fall off the swing?

Me: why Him: Timmy has no arms. Knock knock. Me: Who's there Him: Not Timmy.

Why did Sally fall of the swingset?

She had no arms. BONUS JOKE: Knock Knock. Who's there Not Sally.

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open.

What do you call a man with three arms and a pegleg?

I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes?

Noob.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm?

Because it was humerus.

How did the Idiot break his arm while raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Why couldn't Harry play basketball?

Because he's got no arms.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leafs?

Russel

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

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Neil Jokes More Neil Jokes

What's the most unfortunate name a prisoner can have?

Neil.

Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

Person Jokes More Person Jokes

When you do this, there are 4,111,093,0003.666 "humorists". 2/3rds of a person?

Really

What type of person does cocaine after taking a shot?

A linebacker I came up with this on the toilet... Hope it's not old.

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

Why is the moon like a dollar?

It has four quarters.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living?

A bad gambler

What do you do when you lose your Kia car?

You go Soul-searching.

Buzz Aldrin Jokes More Buzz Aldrin Jokes

What did Neil Armstrong do after walking on the moon before Buzz Aldrin did?

gize.

Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?

They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What'd ya call 50 n*ggers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start. P.S: N*ggers=Naggers. I hate those guys. What did you think?? )

What do you call a guy who always phones people?

Colin.

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

Why is the biggest nose only 11 inches?

Because if it was 12 inches it would be a foot!

What's the difference between "a choice" and " to choose?

A choice" is a decision you make. "To choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

Paralyze Jokes More Paralyze Jokes

What does a horse and kryptonite have in common?

They both paralyze superman

What has arms but can't move them?

A small child paralyzed from the waist up.