Drummer Jokes

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

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What do you call a guy with no musical talent that hangs out with the band?

The drummer.

What's the difference between a pizza and a drummer?

a pizza can feed a family of four

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

What do you call a drummer who has lost one of his drumsticks?

A conductor.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. 1 to screw it in and 2 to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it

Why was the band late to their gig?

Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys.

How do you know that the drum riser is level?

The drummer dribbles out of both corners of his mouth

How do you know a drummer is at your door?

The knock speeds up.

What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?

A Tattoo.

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What's the difference between a drummer and shoes in a dryer?

Nothing.

How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice?

He won't stop banging at the door.

Why do drummers carry transparent lunchboxes?

So they know if they are going to the gig, or coming from it. Ta-boom!

What do you call a musician's best friend?

A drummer...

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

How do you get the drummer off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza.

How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of sides of his mouth.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit?

A: The defendant.

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

A drummer.

What do you call the retarded guy that follows the band around?

The Drummer

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

How do you get a drummer off of your porch?

pay for the pizza.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once

How can you tell when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

A: The knocking always speeds up.

What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs "

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?

You pay for the pizza.

Why was the drummer sad about his boring instruments?

Because he had the doldrums.

Whats a Drummers favorite Pokemon?

Rattata

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

What did the drummer get on his test?

Drool

What's the difference between a podiatrist and a drummer?

The podiatrist bucks up your feet.

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Have you heard of the band 1023MB?

They haven't got a gig yet.

What can be surmised from this?

A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.

Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car?

To cut the corners!

Key Jokes More Key Jokes

Why can't blondes finish software updates?

They can never find the "any" key.

Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?

To catch her false teeth.

What did the boy tell the priest in the confessional?

Nothing. It's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla?

There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo.

What is the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer came back

Require Jokes More Require Jokes

Which service do you require?

Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.

How many ants does it take to own an apartment?

10 . It requires tenants to own an apartment.

Conductor Jokes More Conductor Jokes

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

Mature Jokes More Mature Jokes

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

What's the difference between a millennial and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money