Grow Jokes

Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there

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Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

Let's grow MOLD together!

What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

You get to grow old together.

What does ever horse and rider do at the same time?

Grow old!

What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........

What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

Why women mature faster than men?

Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

What do you call trees that grow in Tobago?

Tobogany.

Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

How does an elephant go up a tree?

It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?

What I want to be *if* I grow up.

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

Why are dead baby jokes so funny?

They never grow old.

What is the definition of a goose ?

An animal that grows down as it grows up !

What's te definition of a bachelor pad?

A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

Just water

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

Garbage collectors.

What type of trees do chickens grow on?

Poul-trees

Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

They can't lego of their childhood. Tell some more Lego puns, here!

What's another name for an parent?

Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

What's yellow has long ears and grows on trees?

The Easter Bunana!

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

What do clouds want to be when they grow up?

Thunderstorms

Did you know crocodiles could grow up to 15 feet?

But most just have 4.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

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What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, insomniac and a dyslexic?

Someone who lies awake at night if there really is a dog.

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

What's the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go inside a store without Robin

What did the racist surfer say when asked about hanging a black man?

Hang ten dude!!

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

anything with curry in it.

What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow ?

Reality. I'll show myself out now...

Plant Jokes More Plant Jokes

What type of brain does a plant have?

A membrane

What did the little acorn say when it got planted and grew up?

Geometry.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a park bench and a black man?

hopefully not a repost) The city supports the bench. Badum-tsss

What is the difference between cancer and a Brazilian?

Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm?

He has a flashing light.

Why was Jon Snow looking for an iWatch charger?

Because now his watch has ended.

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

Why did the guy not draw a circle?

Because there was no point.

Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What is it called when a Redditor writes about his life?

A meme-oir

What all girls want?

All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are "69"