Table Jokes

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

He wasn't a charitable guy

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

Why do midgets make bad parents?

Cause they struggle to put food on the table

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

What's best about hiring an immigrant midget?

You pay them under the table )

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants? Ferniture.

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

What's the difference between an arts student and a table?

A table can support itself

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

giANT!!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

How's your meal?

i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

What shape is your table?

A: Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why Mark?

I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ?

Amanda the table!

What is small, crying and cannot get under the table?

A child with pitchfork in his back

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a large group of people who spit on others?

The Salivation Army.

Who do people hate and love but is really hot and goes to beach everyday?

Sun of a beach

Struggle Jokes More Struggle Jokes

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)

What's the difference between mathematicians and Syrian refugees?

Mathematicians don't struggle with integration.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What's the biggest type of tree?

A Country.

Why is the Champs-lyses lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What's joke #1?

THIS IS NOT A JOKE I'm sure you all have heard the joke where has a number for each joke and that everyone just remembers the numbers instead for typing out the jokes. This always made me think "What would joke #1 be?" What do you think it'd be?

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why do black men hate posting on reddit?

Because they can't deny that their comment was the parent.

Why did the black man walk backwards?

I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.

Dinner Table Jokes More Dinner Table Jokes

How do you know if you're a bogan?

You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids.

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older Wizard: With luck yes. Witch:

What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old?

doesn't matter... must not look down..

Sneak Jokes More Sneak Jokes

Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?

So that he can sneak up on mice !

Why do you wear riding boots?

You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers You don't sneak.