Zombie Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Where did the zombie go on his night out?

To the st club.

What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?

GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS

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What did the zombie say at the urinal?

I'm reliving myself.

What brand of underwear do zombies wear?

Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck?

One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie.

Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?

Because he didn't need a living room anymore!

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a mantic** time.

Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

When the zombies want Twisties! take a look on this zombies viral video, serious feedback please :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=vdRiMBPbQ8

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What do you call memories of zombies?

FLESHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Who are the most intelligent monsters?

Zombies (because, Braiiiiiiins!!!)

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What's a zombies favourite brand of crisps?

Walkers

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the zombie cross the road?

To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party?

He didn't have the guts

What do you call a zombie that runs fast?

A zoombie.

What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie?

Then I can bang other chicks "

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

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Row Jokes More Row Jokes

What do you call a row of rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare-line!

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

Why did the scientist regret naming the organism "Fungus"?

Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy.

Honey Jokes More Honey Jokes

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

Where do American bees store their honey?

In a USBee hive. Thank my ten year old for that one.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What did the man say to the priest at the beach?

Do you mind getting out of my son.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

Not all of them.

Brian Jokes More Brian Jokes

What does a dyslexic zombie say?

Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!

What is a zombies' favorite food?

Brains. What is a dyslexic zombies' favorite food Brians.

Decomposer Jokes More Decomposer Jokes

What do people call Mozart and Beethoven after they died?

Decomposers

What do you call a zombie musician?

A decomposer.

Zombie Apocalypse Jokes More Zombie Apocalypse Jokes

What do you call a disabled person during a zombie apocalypse?

Meals on wheels...

Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse?

The living room.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".