Lead Jokes

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

What are Hillary's convictions?

The FBI hasn't announced her indictment yet, but hopefully it will lead to at least one

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

What led to the discovery of gravitational waves?

A simple game of hopscotch: Me v. Yo Mama

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common?

The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)

What do you call a Black man that walks by a Cop?

A Pencil cause he's full of lead!

What's the brightest airship ever made?

LED Zeppelin

Why are LED's a good investment?

Because they always diode.

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How do you turn lead into gold?

Start a war.

How do you get the walls of your house as bright as they can possibly be?

Use LED based paint.

Why did Gateway computers go out of business?

Because they led to stronger and addictive computers.

Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery?

They had no leads.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?

A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?

Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?

Me: picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle "Independence."

What's the tragedy with little people?

They lead such short lives.

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

Why did the pirate date the mermaid?

He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

What do Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James have in common that led to their success in the NBA?

Hard work and dedication.

Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase?

Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

How do you lead a horse to water?

With carrots

What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

Who leads the corn into battle?

The kernal! Bahahahaha

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

Why are there no owls here?

I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Bath towels...

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

Why couldn't Led Zeppelin play pinball?

They had No Quarter

Why did you lead me on a five-state chase?

Driver: I love to travel.

Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls?

Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

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Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What time?

Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now.

What's similar between you mom and a bottle of Tide detergent?

They can both take about 65 loads.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays?

The week force.

Why can't John complete a workout?

He tried, but it didn't work out.

Lead Singer Jokes More Lead Singer Jokes

What do you call it when the lead singer of U2 fights with himself?

Bono-y-Bono

Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

Republican Jokes More Republican Jokes

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they're all screwed.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How did Christopher Columbus find India?

He used Apple Maps.

Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

Estimate Jokes More Estimate Jokes

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

Why do Asian people never seem to age?

I met a chinese girl today & I estimate her age to be somewhere between 4 & 197.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a dyslectic to take the left turn on the road?

Turn toward your side!

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.