Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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What's the difference between a mining company and priests?

A mining company puts miners in shafts.

How is a Silver Medal and a Priest the same?

They both came in a little behind.

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Why shouldn't you bowl against a snake?

Because snakes make lots of strikes.

How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl?

Blender. How do you get them out? Chips.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

How do you know when a black woman is pregnant?

When you pull out her tampon and all the cotton is picked.

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Pick it! (Picket)

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit The Frog's fingers.

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

Lettuce Prey Jokes More Lettuce Prey Jokes

What does a vegetarian hunter say before dinner?

Lettuce prey"

What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

Lettuce prey"

Lettuce Pray Jokes More Lettuce Pray Jokes

What do they say in vegetable church?

Lettuce pray.

What did the priest say at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.